Crying is a thing humans do.
Supposedly other species of animals can cry, or have their own forms
of crying, but for the most part, I would think that the act of
crying is uniquely human. Evolution has granted us the gift of tears
for reasons of expressions or chemistry or something else. Humans
are serious about this gift. Crying represents intense emotions that
must be maneuvered with care. It is used to demonstrate sincerity
and love and can do a lot to develop relationships between
individuals. At the same time, crying exposes fear and pain. As it
is such a powerful human behavior, crying is linked with certain
expectations from family to family and from culture to culture.
Humans reserve crying for certain
occasions. We are busy creatures, and even though it is a thrill to
ride the waves of our emotions, to experience love, we can't be
burdened with too much drama. Life would be too exhausting if we
always reacted with our hearts. For this reason, cultures often
disapprove of crying over spilled milk. We learn to control our
emotions, and block the tears.
When done correctly though, displaying
tearful emotions is probably very healthy. I traveled with my
Moroccan host family to the countryside the other week to visit
family. Family members from different parts of Morocco were reunited
at a rural home. It was a brief visit for us, but it meant so much
for everyone to be together for a short period. One of my mom's
sisters cried for a short spell to demonstrate her love for her
family and the power of the occasion.
Crying from grief is healthy as well.
Tragedy is part of life, and it is important for humans to confront
the feelings associated with it. It may be easier at times to block
the senses, but if sadness can't be embraced, happiness and love will
also be dulled. If we become too desensitized, we lose life's drama,
and existence becomes a chore. If we are the opposite, too
sensitive, life becomes a different sort of chore. Cultures around
the world find different balances to embrace the right amount of
tearful drama to suit their lifestyles.
During Peace Corps Mali I never saw an
adult Malian cry. Their were certainly situations that called for
it, but Malians kept their weeping secretive. Life was tough on
everyone in a Malian village and crying would not have the power to
improve families' desperate conditions. Kids learned quickly to be
tough. The less emotional pain one expressed the better. Everyday
was a grind, and crying in Mali would have been seen as nothing more
than a distraction. Individuals focused on getting work done and
their families fed. Emotional health was not a concern, and to
concern others with it would be seen as disrespectful. Perhaps it
would be better for Malian culture to express more emotion, or
perhaps they have found the balance that their environment demands.
In Morocco I have experienced quite the
opposite. Moroccans crave intimacy and make efforts to explore their
deeper emotions. On a few occasions this has resulted in crying.
Two of the occasions were during good byes (most of the crying I've
done in my life has come from goodbyes; it seems to be an occasion
where crying is acceptable) and another was during the family reunion
I mentioned earlier. The crying demonstrated more love than any
combination of words could have. The passion Moroccans seem to have
may generate more drama than is necessary, or perhaps they have found
the balance that their environment demands.
Balancing our heads and our hearts is a
challenge of life. Too much heart and the drama of life will drown
you. Not enough heart and you will hardly feel alive, missing the
point altogether.
