Friday, July 12, 2013

Religion

I get up again to stand under the shower, as it is the most effective relief from the heat. The water is life pouring over my body. As the drops wash over my lips my instincts scream at me to open my mouth and drink. Instead, I spit out the water, denying myself the pleasure. The thirst remains. I am fasting, participating in Ramadan, the Islamic holy month. It is an opportunity to connect with people and get to know humanity a little better. Ramadan is also an opening to continue the never-ending discussion of my religious beliefs, and why I should embrace Islam. Moroccans are passionate about religion, and do not hesitate to discuss it openly.

Americans avoid religious conversations. Spirituality is not very consistent, and we consider it taboo to casually compare sets of beliefs. It can brew negative feelings. In Morocco, where practically the entire population is in agreement, religious conversation is completely acceptable. If I am around, religious conversation is encouraged, as Moroccans are excited to share their passion for Islam. After asking for my name, the next question from a new acquaintance is generally “are you Muslim?” This is probably because I give them my adopted Moroccan name (Kareem), but still, if you met an Arab in America who said their name was John, your next question would not be “are you Christian?”

I've had strangers be quite direct about their passion for Islam, with words approaching religious harassment. One day I was trying to buy a plunger from a lady. When she found out I wasn't Muslim, she forgot all about the plunger. “You must embrace Islam,” she cried, “it is the best religion in the world. You need it if you don't want to go to hell. I knew a woman from France, who became Muslim because she learned how beautiful it is. You must try to pray, OK?”

“OK, how much does the plunger cost?”

Another common occurrence are strangers trying to make me declare the Shahada. They will tell me to repeat after them: 'There is no god but God, Muhammad is the messenger of God.'  It is the first pillar of Islam and a simple step towards conversion. The first time it happened I wasn't sure what was going on and so I said it. I guess I must be a Muslim now. They got me good.

Sorry, I don't mean to make fun of these strangers. They really are doing what they think is right. They are trying to save me. It is just something I am not use to. Besides the occasional door to door proselytizer, or Mormon acquaintance, I was never told to follow a particular religion in America. In Morocco, such encounters are frequent, and sometimes it just trips me out.

With friends, religious discussion is also frequent, but much more enjoyable. My friends may also want me to be Muslim (of course they don't want me to burn in Hell), but their strategy for saving me is much more humane. They believe that I have the choice to follow Islam, and if I learn enough about it, I will want to convert. They do not tell me I must embrace their religion, they are simply happy to explain to me why it is a beautiful set of beliefs. When I admit that I am interesting in knowing about (but not converting to) Islam, they are satisfied. By fasting for Ramadan, they give me smiles that say “see, slowly but surely you are becoming a Muslim.”

Religious conversation with friends can be interesting, as I pick up on the importance of religion as well as the details that set Islam apart from other religions (namely Christianity since my community thinks I'm Christian). Most of what is said about being a Muslim can be said in regards to Christianity. On several occasions I have had Heaven and Hell described to me the same a way a Christian might. There was one particularly enlightening discussion where my neighbor described how the human temptation to sin can lead us away from our greater purpose in life. This conversation was complete with the story of Adam and Eve and an explanation of Satan.

After hearing such descriptions I say, “oh, hey, that's the same as Christianity.” Then the conversation takes a turn. Based on the talks with friends and neighbors, there are a handful of crucial differences that make Islam 'better' than Christianity. There is of course Jesus, who, according to Muslims, is not the son of God. Muslims find it strange that God would have a son, and figure the true religion would not believe such a thing. The difference between the Bible and the Koran is another point of contention. Muslims are very proud that their book has remained unchanged since its creation while the Bible have been watered down by time and translations. A final interesting point is that Islam is the youngest of the major religions, allowing it to perfect all the religious developments from the past.

I don't know how accurate such information is. These are the things I often hear in my community. Some arguments make sense and I can feel genuine passion, but some presentations are irrelevant and do little to demonstrate religious pride. Islam is the best, because so many Christians choose to convert to Islam and Muslims do not choose to convert to Christianity. How true is that? I hear that fact surprisingly often... freaking Cat Stevens and Muhammad Ali.

Like I said, I find such talks interesting, yet, at the same time, there is a certain amount of frustration. The problem is that I have yet to be able to represent my beliefs honestly. I usually say that I am a Christian as it more understandable than Agnosticism or Atheism. This sets up a debate, where I guess I am suppose to defend Christianity. The discussion compares Christianity and Islam to determine which one is better. Since I know as little about being Christian as I do about being Muslim, my arguments fall short. When I am not able to properly explain believes and behaviors of Christians, and admit that religion confuses me, they give me that smile that says “see, slowly but surely you are becoming Muslim.”

It would be less frustrating if I could take the debates to another level, where I can be more honest about my spiritual beliefs. Lately I've stopped calling myself Christian and explain that I try to learn and follow all religions. It is less of a lie than claiming to be Christian. Hopefully such a set up can lead to conversations that deal less with details and more with the big picture of religion. It would be nice to perhaps discuss the existence or general nature of God, where I can be real, instead of being put in a position where I must support Christianity over Islam.

Despite not being completely honest about my faith, my input forces others to think through new ideas. To defend myself from conversion I ask: “Would you follow a religion different than your parents'?” or “If you lived in Europe and everyone wanted you to become Christian would you consider it?” The other day I had some fun hypotheticals for my good friend:

“If you were in love with a Christian girl, would you marry her?”
“Yes.”
“Would your parents be upset that you married a non-Muslim?”
“No. They just want me to be happy.”
“Would your kids be Christian or Muslim?”
“Hmm... I don't know?”
“And when you die, she would go to Hell and you would go to Heaven?”
“Yea. She would have to go to Hell. But I would still text her!”

For the most part, religious talks with Moroccans carry a friendly energy. There is always an agreement that we are all brothers and sisters on our Earth, and it is important to love one another. And at the end of the conversations peace is generally seen as our most important goal. When I get up to end these conversations someone always has to give me a quick reminder “keep studying Islam, and one day you will want to convert. You will see.”


Dating

Morocco is an incredible mix of modernity and tradition. The population is able to explore the excitement of 21st century culture without letting go of conservative values. Rihanna can be juxtaposed with ancient Berber music. Fancy cars drive past donkey carts. Generally, the two attitudes co-exist with no problem, but sometimes they clash, such as the case with dating. The dating game in Morocco is changing rapidly, and its traditional version does not get along with its modern version. Conservative habits clash with modern temptations, leading Moroccans to date in an unusual fashion.

Dating as a strategy for finding a mate is likely a recent phenomenon. Only economically stable individuals can really afford to spend time courting or wooing a partner. Traditionally, humans did not have the time to seek out a soul mate, and settled for an economically convenient arrangement. This often meant learning how to love one of the few available options. Today a lot of the world has the luxury to try out multiple partners and discover the right chemistry. The advantage is that we can explore personalities and get to know ourselves better, setting ourselves up for a mutually encouraging relationship. The disadvantage is that most humans now expect to be able to find love instead of working towards creating love. Damn, isn't love a bitch?

Morocco is not far removed from traditional arrangements. A couple generations ago dating was rare in Morocco and marriages were not based on passion. I guess they were mostly based on economics and religion. The Moroccan youth of today are different. They seem to expect love to strike their hearts, and spend a lot of energy wondering “does s/he like me back.” With my younger friends, conversation almost always revolves around girls.

Creating opportunities for finding a partner is the hard part. Since Morocco is still very much dedicated to its traditional habits, there is little overlap between men's space and women's space. Men hang out in the streets or at cafes while the women spend their social hours at the home. Most young couples I know met in high school, where boys and girls share the classroom. The only other obvious place would be on the street, where young Moroccan men will post up on a corner to flatter (or harass) girls walking by.

The other obstacle causing friction on the Moroccan dating scene would be parental disapproval of daughters mingling with boys. Traditional reaction would be quick to label a girl as promiscuous for spending too much time with a boy before marriage. This complicates things for girls, as there seems to be a desire to fall in love, yet little opportunity for the falling in love process to take place. The result is an under the radar kind of dating. One that involves cell phone calls, texting, Facebook, and secret walks into the country side.


In the end, it really isn't too different from American dating culture I guess. Pretty much no matter the culture, dating and marriage and being in love are complicated matters. I think Morocco is still a little tangled between traditional arrangements and open dating, but in a way America kind of is too. Actually, I think everything I said about Moroccan dating can apply to America too (or maybe the America of a few decades ago). Hmm... this is one of those topics where I only confused myself more by trying to blog about it. This is the worst ending ever. No conclusion. Just read the last sentence of the second paragraph again.